


midnight train

by Lee_Mix



Category: Gunnerkrigg Court
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-04
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2019-01-29 09:08:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12627672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lee_Mix/pseuds/Lee_Mix
Summary: "...so, I'm the only one he treat like this?"Sometimes, love isn't enough.





	midnight train

**Author's Note:**

> I love Gunnerkrigg Court. I do. And I hope, I hope Annie gets a happier ending. But this is just a “what-if” piece that I can’t get out of my head. We know how impulsive Annie can be, hiding and running away from her problems so her mask cannot break until Kat brings her comfort. Now? Even Kat can’t do this.

 

_“It wasn’t brainwashing. They fell in love.”_

Antimony Carver was sure that Mrs. Anja hadn’t said that sentence five times, but they kept playing in her head like a broken record player. How bothersome of them to keep scratching her brain.

“So, Annie’s Mom _cheated_ on Uncle Jimmy?”

“Well, _yes,_ but that isn’t the point, Katerina. We’ll talk about that another time.”

That was funny. Maybe Antimony Carver should have been upset that was what her friend’s mind first went to, but Katerina was Katerina. Always a gossip, in love with listening to other people’s scandals and love confessions. It was funny, really.

It was so, so funny.

So funny, that Antimony Carver _burst_ out laughing.

It made Mrs. Anja jump and Katerina’s words trip over themselves. It made the birds nesting on the sill of the window fly off with her sudden laughter. And it made her sides and heart hurt with how _funny_ this all was.

It was _hilarious!_

“Annie—”

“So, he _is_ capable of being kind!”

Those are probably the first words she’d said since her outburst about brainwashing. Mrs. Anja’s hand touched her shoulder.

Antimony Carver shrugged it off and stood up and looked out the window and _laughed._

“So, it wasn’t brainwashing. He’s just closed-off! He’s just chooses to be like that!”

Antimony Carver knows Anja has just stood up. But she chose not to approach Anja. “Antimony, dear, he _does_ care—you, you are proof of their love. They had you, you are _proof_ of that.”

Yes, she supposed that she was. The few, scant moments Antinomy Carver had caught Anthony Carver crying into her mother’s lap only to look at her with that cold content? That was what she thought _love_ was between parents. Something hidden and locked away and private and intimate and something children shouldn’t see.

But.

Donald and Anja weren’t like that. James still showed his love for her mother all over his face and in the ways that he used to look at Antimony Carver and only see the product resulting in _Carver and Surma,_ not Antimony the Student, not Annie the Teenager, not _Firehead Girl_.

And that even changed, and everything was changing, and… and she realised…

Annie grew quiet.

And then, she said, “…so, I’m the only one he treats like this, now?”

Kat rose and quickly made her stride, and put her hands onto Annie’s shoulders and shook her head. “No, no—Annie, it’s—you heard my Mom, he’s just more comfortable when he’s around one person—”

“That’s right, dear—you remember how you used to be?” Anja joined her daughter, mother and child in a joint effort, but all Annie can see is red and fire dying out from too much rain. “Anthony is… he is… he just has difficulty expressing himself, it is _not_ your fault.”

She considered it, for a moment.

Her father gave her everything she needed at the Court. Money to spend on her school supplies, assurance to the staff that she could remain during the holiday time, and all the time and effort into trying to save her mother. He came back so that she wouldn’t be expelled from the Court program, and oversaw her education after being put back a year.

Yes, Anthony Carver did make sure that she was cared for. He provided her with things, many things, and the one thing that she and Anthony Carver have in common is that _they both loved Surma Stibnite._

But that moment ended, and her voice broke the silence and the hopeful smile on Kat’s face that she might have gotten through to her.

“…I’ve been in rooms with him alone before. He’s never laughed with me.”

“Annie?”

She can feel them welling up in her eyes. Tears. Crying. She felt like that small child after hearing her own mother reassure her of her father’s love after that _look._

“The most common word I hear from him is, “goodbye, Antimony”, and then he leaves. I…”

_I’m the only one he treats like this. He has no interest in trying._

_He tells my mother her makeup looks beautiful. He tells me to wash it off in front of the class because it’s ridiculous, even though everyone else did._

_He never wanted to come back._

**_He had three years, but I know. He never wanted to come back to the Court and see me._ **

Annie put her hands over her face, and took a deep breath.

Her eyes are closed, her mouth pursed, and she shrugged away Kat’s hands and Anja’s supportive smile. Taking a step back, she faced the window and the door, and felt the fire prickle her fingertips.

“…think I need some time alone.”

 

* * *

 

The wonderful thing about words: they can mean so many different things.

“We will be arriving at the last stop in—” The automatic voice is muffled by static, but the train is mostly empty at this point.

Annie leaned her head on the window, and her mind fancies that she is lying on the glassy bedrock of the galaxy, drifting far away from the places she thought of to be home. Echoes of Good Hope halls, the ringing of the Court Walls, and the open space of the Forest. But reality sets in, and she knows none of that is here. Here, there are hills and trees and small towns that she has passed since leaving the Court parameters, so she can’t quite escape to space.

She hugged her rucksack a little tighter, fingers playing with the loose coins that escaped in her hoodie pocket, and sighed.

Annie wasn’t sure where she was going. What was that old song? _Over the hills and faraway?_

Faraway sounded good right about now.

Annie smiled, listened to the metallic voice die, and tuned her mind into the sound of the wind whistling against the glass as she closed her eyes.

 

* * *

 

Unlike Anthony, Annie made sure she’d left a note for everyone, at least.

One for her class. _Thank you for surrounding me with memories._

One for Coyote. _You know exactly where I’m going, even if I don’t._

One for Ysengrin. _Don’t forget me._

One for Reynardine. _I’m not doing this to hurt you. Know I love you._

One for Donald and Anja. _You tried. Do not think you failed._

One for Jones. _Take “Annie” if you never see me again._

One for James. _I wish she’d chosen you._

One for Shadow and Robot 2. _Be happier than I was there. I know you’ll bring good change._

 

* * *

 

 

And one for Kat.

One in pages for Katerina.

_Kat,_

_You were my whole world._

_But I am suffocating there, and I caught you laughing. You were the one reason I was staying in the Court above the Forest, but even now, I can’t do that anymore. You laughed, you excused, and went back on everything you once said._

_I can’t be around you, as much as I love you. Kat, I love you so much. I know I copied off of you, I know I lied. I guess I am my mother’s daughter after all._

_I hope your mind changes the world. I hope you become even more bright and beautiful than you are right now. I hope you lead this world into something that even Coyote never knew existed. I know you can do it._

_And if you see him and laugh with him again…_

_Tell him I’m laughing too._

_—Annie Stibnite._


End file.
